Some of our readers may remember receiving valentine cards in elementary school. February 14^th was a highly anticipated day for school children. We had parties back then with candy and cake and punch. My mother took my brother and I shopping for valentines. We could choose any set we wanted (within budget), and that was such a treat for us. Once we arrived home, my eyes sparkled as I tore open the plastic cover and opened the box. I separated the cards into two piles: Pretty and Ugly. I was quite the shallow little girl, really. I looked at the pretty ones, with a big beaming smile across my brightened little face. I’d give the pretty ones to my friends and crushes. I perused the ugly ones and, with an impish grin, I decided I’d give the ugly ones to classmates I didn’t like – those who were mean or made fun of me. My pigtails quivered with mischief. Now, you and I know every valentine is pretty. But, back then, I certainly, under no circumstances, would give the mean people not one iota, not anything that said “Be mine.”

Since today is that special day, join me as we learn a bit of history about Valentine’s Day and about love relationships in the Appalachian Mountains. I have also listed some love superstitions, old wives tales, and quotes at the end.

Valentine’s Day Origin

Many sources say Valentine’s Day replaced what the church called the “heathen” Roman holiday of Lupercalia. The church attempted to abolish the festival. The Lupercalia Festival occurred every year on February 15^th in a place called Lupercal, the very place where Romulus and Remus were “nurtured by the she-wolf.” The festival celebrated Lupercus, the god of fertility, and the custom was that every young Roman citizen “chose a companion of the opposite sex with whom to honor” Lupercus and other gods.¹⁾The Birmingham Age-Herald. “The Valentines of Olden Time,” by Waldon Fawcett. 10 Feb. 1907. Chronicling America, Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress. The church’s endeavor to outright eliminate the holiday failed. So, they just replaced the festival with a day to honor St. Valentine, the patron saint of love, youth, and marriage.

Saint Valentine

Valentine was arrested when he became a Christian, but he managed to convert the judge to Christianity:

St. Valentine was presented with the judge’s blind daughter and told to restore her sight. If he succeeded, the judge vowed to do anything for Valentine. Placing his hands onto her eyes, Valentine restored the child’s vision.

Judge Asterius was humbled and obeyed Valentine’s requests. Asterius broke all the idols around his house, fasted for three days and became baptized, along with his family and entire 44-member household. The now faithful judge then freed all of his Christian inmates.²⁾“St. Valentine” Catholic Online

Like many believers at the time, Valentine was passionate about converting people to Christianity. He was arrested and jailed many times “for marrying Christian couples and aiding Christians being persecuted by Claudius[II] in Rome.”³⁾“St. Valentine” Catholic Online His actions made him a criminal in Rome. Saint Valentine was executed by Roman Emperor Claudius II on about 270. He was “clubbed to death and then beheaded in the Colosseum,”⁴⁾The Birmingham Age-Herald. “The Valentines of Olden Time,” by Waldon Fawcett. 10 Feb. 1907. Chronicling America, Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress. and canonized soon after.

Love and Valentines in Appalachia

As we all know, Valentine’s Day is associated with love, dating, and marriage. In Appalachia’s old days, dating was a complicated whirlwind. A couple “talked” first. After Sunday church, a young man might walk a young woman home, with her parents’ permission, of course. Next came “courting.” Escorting the girl home after church likely became a regular thing. This courting ritual “only lasted about 3 weeks.”⁵⁾“Love on the Mountain: Appalachian Valentine Day Traditions” by J. Shockley Got Mountain Life February 12, 2020 After a week or so, the young man had visits at her home and bestowed gifts to her and her parents. The couple could spend time together under a chaperone’s supervision – a custom known as “sparking.” (Perhaps the reader might remember a grandfather discussing how he and his sweetheart went courtin’ and sparkin’. I do.) A sparkin’ couple attended family gatherings and community events together. The couple were allowed to be alone together in the same room, but . . .

If a couple ever wanted to get some alone time, they would participate in a very common Appalachian courting practice. The young couple would have to play a courting dulcimer, which is a string instrument with two fretboards that the couple could play together. Chaperones could wait in another room and know that the couple was being chaste as long as there was music being played. If the instrument could be heard playing it meant the young couple’s hands were already occupied and nothing inappropriate was taking place.⁶⁾“Valentine’s Day throwback: Traditional Appalachian dating customs,” by Makena Vosberg Lees McRae College, February 14, 2022

Many a “shotgun wedding” has taken place in the mountains when the couple succumbed to passion. Honor in a family, especially on the bride’s side, is still highly regarded.

Our early settlers had to be creative on Valentine’s Day. Stores were often a half a day to a day’s trip (or longer, depending on the terrain and weather). More likely than not, however, a mountain person didn’t have money and couldn’t make the trek if they wanted. Gifts were handmade. A woman made quilts, scarves, caps, etc., for her beau. A man’s gift hearkened back to a Welsh tradition. He hand carved and engraved a wooden spoon, known as a “love spoon,” for his sweetheart. He spent days and weeks creating “intricate designs like Celtic knots and hearts.”⁷⁾“Valentine’s Day throwback: Traditional Appalachian dating customs,” by Makena Vosberg Lees McRae College, February 14, 2022 His craftsmanship and artistry signified engagement⁸⁾“Appalachian Culture Explained in 40 Facts” by Larry Holzwarth History Collection June 18, 2019 or love interest. The elaborate workmanship of the “love spoon” was also proof that he could provide for his partner.

Appalachian love relationships are still fairly much confined within a small community – a town, village, holler, etc. A person might meet a sweetheart at church or school or social events. I found one tidbit of research fascinating. Many of our ancestors came to these mountains from Ireland. Back in the motherland, Irish people married young to be independent. They “didn’t achieve full status in the community until they married,” which might be an innate explanation of why “young people in Appalachia marry early.”⁹⁾More than Blarney by Eileen McCullough 1997 Morris Publishing, Kearney In Southern Appalachia, specifically, people tend to marry soon after graduating high school and start families.

Man-made vs. Factory-Made

Hundreds of years ago, men and women handwrote valentines. England was one of the first countries to send “love-laden” valentine messages. The details ranged from love confessions, to creative poetry, to ornate designs. The card or letter was well-thought-out and time consuming, as each letter or detail conveyed a confession of love.

Manufactured valentines in America began humble enough through a young woman named Esther Howland, who lived with her father in Worcester, Massachusetts. She began making valentines as a hobby and received much positive feedback. She realized she might make a few dollars selling them. So, she made some samples and had her brother, a traveling grocery salesman, to show a few clients. To her surprise, he “returned with orders for $5,000 worth of valentines!” The amount in today’s money, is around $175,000. To fulfill these orders, she hired an all-female (many of them friends) workforce. Later, Howland incorporated her business as the New England Valentine Company. In 1880, she sold the business to care for her ailing father. She died in 1904.

Some people lament the fact that our store-bought valentines are less personal than the homemade creations. But, whether homemade or store bought, it’s still nice to receive such a precious, subtle declaration of friendship and/or love.

Love Superstitions & Old Wives Tales

• Toss myrtle twigs into a fireplace. Softly gaze into the fire and eventually you’ll see your future love.
• German folklore “says that a man will surely fall in love with a woman if she urinates in his shoe.”¹⁰⁾“Appalachian Folklore: Love” Appalachian Mountain Roots February 6, 2017(!!)
• If a white dove flies over your house, a family member will marry within one year.
• It’s bad luck to marry on a Friday. The belief stems from medieval Europe “where it was firmly believed that, since Friday was the day on which Jesus was sacrificed, nothing started on that day could come to any good.”¹¹⁾Mountain Magick, Edain McCoy Llewellyn Publications, 1997 St. Paul
• If a woman goes walking on Valentines Day and the first person she meets is a man, she’ll be married within three months.
• According to Irish beliefs, a rainy wedding day is bad luck.
• It’s bad luck to have a second marriage in the same place.
• If a bride wants happiness, someone else should make her dress.
• If a groom wants happiness, he should wear new shoes instead of old.

Quotes About Love and Relationships

• “Men should be careful about makin’ wimmen cry, ‘cause God counts their tears.”¹²⁾Kentucky Folklore by Alvey, R. Gerald 1989 University Press of KY, Lexington
• “The Devil owed him a debt and paid him off with her.” (a mean woman)¹³⁾Kentucky Folklore by Alvey, R. Gerald 1989 University Press of KY, Lexington
• At a dance, if a girl hesitated to ask a love interest for a dance, her mother would say, “Faint heart never won fair lady.”¹⁴⁾Collecting Folklore and Folklife in Ohio by ERIC 1978
• “When the money’s gone, love flies out the window; so keep the windows closed.”¹⁵⁾Collecting Folklore and Folklife in Ohio by ERIC 1978
• An Old Irish saying: “Happy is the bride that the sun shines on.”¹⁶⁾More than Blarney by Eileen McCullough 1997 Morris Publishing, Kearney

 

Sources:

Books

• Collecting Folklore and Folklife in Ohio by ERIC. 1978.
• Kentucky Folklore by Alvey, R. Gerald. University Press of KY. Lexington, 1989.
• More than Blarney by Eileen McCullough. Morris Publishing. Kearney, 1997.
• Mountain Magick by Edain McCoy. Llewellyn Publications. St. Paul, 1997.

Websites

• “Appalachian Culture Explained in 40 Facts” by Larry Holzwarth. History Collection. June 18, 2019.
• “Appalachian Folklore: Love” Appalachian Mountain Roots. February 6, 2017.
• “Love on the Mountain: Appalachian Valentine Day Traditions” by J. Shockley. Got Mountain Life. February 12, 2020.
• “St. Valentine” Catholic Online
• “Valentine’s Day throwback: Traditional Appalachian dating customs,” by Makena Vosberg
  Lees McRae College, February 14, 2022

Newspapers (Chronicling America, Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress.)

• The Birmingham Age-Herald. “The Valentines of Olden Time,” by Waldon Fawcett. 10 Feb. 1907. Chronicling America, Historic American Newspapers. Lib. of Congress.
• The Citizen. Berea, KY. “Old Love Tokens.” 10 Feb. 1921.
• The Citizen. Berea, Ky., 09 Feb. 1922.
• Western Sentinel. Winston-Salem N.C. “St. Valentines Day.” 26 Feb. 1885.

 

**Featured image: Cody Chan, Unsplash